Max’s Dog-Blog

Well,  I must say I have had a lovely few days here in Auchtermuchty staying in my new holiday home that my humans gave me for Christmas.  They have kitted it out rather splendidly and thought of everything I might want. Two sofas in the living room and a big TV to watch, a king size bed in my bedroom, and there is even a comfy sofa bed in my study so that  I can have a snooze in the peace and quiet there after my walks! And now I have two matching cushions for that sofa so I  can chew and lick them too!

My male human has been here all week as he is on holiday, but Hilary and I only came on Thursday evening as we had Important Things to do earlier in the week.  But that gave Tim time to sort things out here and make sure he knew how the heating worked and so on. He also had arranged for broadband to be on for me when I arrived, so I am now taking the opportunity to do my first blog from Auchtermuchty!

I have had several nice walks with Hilary. (I will have to show Tim where to go with me once his ankle is healed and he can walk me again!) There is a forest near here called Pitmedden Forest and there is a circular walk there round the edge of the forest (it is only a small forest) which Hilary and I have have now done three times, and not yet quite right. Twice we managed to miss out a small loop (it isn’t signed or anything so it all depends what choices we make when there is an option in the paths ahead!) and today we managed to miss a turn and and up on the road. That was a bit mean as I had to go on my lead for a bit . But I chased a deer in the forest  and have met some very nice Muchty dogs here.

The other walk is opposite out house up a hill passed the school and up a farm track really and you end up on a common. I like that walk as it is quite muddy and there are interesting smells. Today we did a slight variation only the path seemed to disappear and it got rather muddy and brambly and Hilary moaned.

I have also had a lot of walks around the village and got to know the local area. I scared a cat yesterday which was great fun as it arched its back at me! Don’t worry Piccolo I wasn’t actually going to hurt it or anything, I just wanted it to know I was the Boss.

Anyway I have decided that I like Auchtermuchty and am going to enjoy my holiday breaks here. So I have decided to rename the village after me. From henceforth, this place will be known as AUCHTERMAXTY which I think has a rather nice ring to it. It is also easier for Tim to say as he is unfortuntately English, so has problems with the “ch” noise.

A couple more hours here and then back to the Rectory in Dunfermline to see how well Monty has kept guard!

(and just in case anyone is worried about him he has two “cat feeder” timer things with icepacks to keep his food cool and served at the right times, a cat flap in the back door to come and go as he wishes, and Hilary did go home and check on him and refill his food yesterday!)

I am back from prison! I was released early this morning and was delighted to see my female human come for me. Prison was just so boring (apart from barking at the other inmates) and I was also rather unwell when I was there with an upset tummy. I am not sure why  -  I blame the worming tablets Hilary tricked me into consuming at the weekend!

Anyway I have ran around the house all day checking on things and tormenting the cat, and as Hilary was working from home today I have been able to enjoy my garden as well. I also had a short walk in my park with her . Good to get back to normal.

But very soon - in less than an hour indeed,  when she is finally packed and ready, I am going on a proper holiday to my very own holiday home flat (or lower flatted cottage style dwelling house in Estate Agent speak)  in Auchtermuchty! Tim is there already and got everything organised for us .

I expect he has enjoyed a few days peace and quiet so that will all be shattered soon when I get there!

My male human is escaping to my flat in Muchty this week for some rest and recuperation. I think he needs it as he hasn’t really stopped since he broke his ankle (including a wedding and a funeral in the last two days) and he hasn’t had a holiday for ages and ages.  He will be stuck in the flat though as he  can’t walk about much but he has lots of books and DVDs to relax with and I am sure he will enjoy the peace and quiet. I think he has already assembled all the flat pack items, so all he will need to do is relax (that and get a slater out to sort the  roof tiles which have fallen off the roof in the last few days!)  My broadband connection should be switched on there by the end of the week, so he will be able to connect to the rest of the world via the laptop again!

I can’t go with him unfortunately as he cannot take me for walks just now, so, for my so called “holiday” I am going to prison. Only for three nights though, and that is only as my female human is away in Elgin overnight for work on Tuesday so she cannot look after me  here either then. I do feel rather rejected. But Hilary assures me the time will fly past and she will come and get me on Thursday morning and on Thursday evening after work (hers not mine, I am a dog so don’t have to work) we will go join Tim for a few days!

I don’t go to prison till tomorrow so I can enjoy a quiet evening with Hilary here once she gets back from dropping Tim off. She says she is exhausted and wishes she could have a holiday or even a few days in my doggy prison too, rather than have to work all week! I feel a bit sorry for her as she will have to get up early for her train on tuesday even though she doesn’t have to walk me that day any more!

My humans are being very nasty to me.

They keep telling me how useless I am and that I have failed in my duty as a guard dog!

Apparently, late last night when the humans were in bed and I was on my floor having a well-earned rest, someone broke into one of my cars. And although they didn’t take anything, they left a bit of a mess. I discovered it this morning when I took Hilary for my walk.

And now, the humans are saying it was my fault. MY FAULT?  What a nerve!

Apparently, I should have barked and scared off the intruder - but come on, it was late at night and I’d been working hard all day - and had already done a long stint of guard duty. I was tired - and surely I’m allowed some time off. At least, that’s what I told the policeman when he came to get a statement off me tonight!

But I will be extra vigilant from now on.

Did you read the last comment from Piccolo the little black cat? He tells us of the story he read in the paper today of the German Shepherd Dog who gave blood here in Dunfermline!

And co-incidently on my walk earlier tonight with my female human I met one of the other canine donors, a playful greyhound called Sandy. His human told Hilary all about him giving blood yesterday, and how good he was. Apparantly he has a blood group that is universal and suitable for any dog to get so it was especially welcome. He even got his photo in the paper. Not the Scotsman like the GSD Piccolo read about but the Courier. You can read about it and see a photo of Sandy here.

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/output/2010/02/04/newsstory14492018t0.asp

Piccolo asked me if I had given blood as it was the kind of brave thing I would do. Well it certainly is Piccolo but first I didn’t know anything about it, and then I wouldn’t have wanted to put pressure on my female human to take me when she is so busy just now, and, finally, well, I am a little bit unsure if I really want my Superior Blood to be given to just any old dog!

If you want to know more about the scheme for dogs donating blood have a look at http://www.vets-now.com/PetsNewsDetail.aspx?id=2184 which is an account of yesterday’s Dunfermline Dog donations!

I got mail yesterday!

It was very exciting, an envelope addressed to “Max Superior Dog Bennison“! And it wasn’t a reminder card from the vet either!

Indeed, it was a welcome to your new home card from my friends Mrs C and Fay! I was very impressed and got my humans to take it and put it up on the top of the fire in the living room in my flat. It is by far and away the nicest of the cards there.

Tim also got a card in the same postal delivery but his was a very boring Get Well Soon card. It was from everyone at Holy Trinity but clearly  written and posted by Fay! I  checked the envelope and was rather dissappointed to see it did not say “Tim Inferior Human Bennison“, so today I got Tim to email Fay and complain on my behalf.

Strangely Mrs C and Fay think I was moaning about nothing as although I am obviously a (very) superior dog that does not actually mean Tim needs to be addressed as an inferior human, or something. I think they were worried that would dent his pride or something. He is already embarrassed enough at having fallen on the ice and broken his ankle, which incidently is Nothing to do with me, even if I happened to be the reason he was at the forest at 7 in the morning…

Anyway the other exciting news is that when Tim was at choral the other night he met a woman also with a broken ankle, who told him about a special plastic cover  thing called limbo you can buy and put over your plastered leg, it seals safely higher up the leg,  and you can wear it in the bath or shower! So my male human rushed to the internet, ordered one, and it came today! He is now trying it out in the bath (with the affected foot balanced on the edge to avoid the water as much as possible) he looks rather funny,  and moaned it was ages since he had had a bath, but let me tell you it is a VERY long time indeed since I have had a bath!

I am now a “Muchty dog” !  Well,  I have learnt  today that the locals call Auchermuchty “muchty” for short, and now I have my holiday home there that makes me a Muchty Dog!

I went to see my new flat yesterday with my humans and I must say they had set it up very nicely. There is a  soft rug in the living room, a choice of two sofas, a huge king size bed in the bedroom and a well stocked food cupboard for me in the kitchen. I have new bowls there for food and water and one solitary toy, a blue ring thing. (that was a bit mean humans!)  It is all very nice or will be once the flat pack stuff is assembled and the packaging removed!

I thought we were only visiting for a few hours for our tea but we actually stayed overnight. That was all a bit strange as it smelt funny and new and I can’t see out any of the high up windows. But I settled in the hallway and aftter a bit of whining I settled down to sleep.

The humans tried to take some photos with their mobiles but they didn’t really work so I will organise some better ones for my blog next time!

Today was a day of mixed emotions for me and my humans.

Firstly, it was the day we got the keys and officially became the owners of my new holiday home in Auchtermuchty!  All very exciting indeed. I decided to let the humans do the hard work of moving things and getting my flat ready for me, and they seem to have taken lots of things there today in two well packed car loads. Hilary did the driving and the carrying  of items and Tim did the technical stuff like working out the heaters and assembling various flat pack items from Ikea. It is very frustrating  and restricting for Tim just now only having one good leg !

Tomorrow my extra human Bryony and her boyfriend Patrick are hiring a van and coming to help move the bigger items like the bed and the sofa. Then after church on Sunday the plan is that we all go and stay there overnight! I will tell you more and post some pictures soon.

However I must tell you some very sad news indeed. On arrival home from the  new flat tonight when Hilary went to feed Rob the pointless fish, she discovered that sadly he had died. Yes, poor Rob is no more. Pointless indeed, but loyal, peaceful, uncomplaining and remarkably  tolerant and undemanding. And he slipped away quietly and was just found floating in his pirate tank.

Rest in Peace Rob.

Now it is just me and Monty cat. And the humans I suppose.

My female human says she is kept very busy now my male human is incapacitated.  She had a day today which Tim said sounded just like a normal day for him, running around from one thing to another without really pausing for breath!

I am glad to report that I remain her top priority and got my two walks in - although the early morning one has to be an on lead walk as it is still dark, and, as I just may have blogged before, Hilary is too wimpish to let me off lead in the park when she cannot see! However I really cannot complain as she is getting up now at 6.15 am to walk me before work, and I quite like this new routine.

She asked me to tell you what she did today, and to be honest it doesn’t really sound like much:

Fed cat

walked me 30 mins on lead

showered and got dressed, had breakfast made packed lunch and fed me

took car to garage for service and eventually managed to start the courtesy car to get home again

took in the wheelie bin (my enemy!)

worked from home for 2 hours while waiting for my new laptop to be delivered (Tim was out at the fracture clinic. In case you are interested his ankle is doing Ok but he has to have another 5 weeks in plaster)

got delivery of the laptop and left it for Tim to play with

posted an exciting church letter for Tim

went to the office  in Lochgelly and worked the rest of the day…..

came home and walked me (35 mins off lead in my park)

collected the car from garage

checked emails etc

put away the new hoover bags which had been delivered

fed cat and fish

put a load of washing on

ate a microwave meal (Tim had already gone out to Vestry!)

fed me

delivered a book to someone from Tim

went to the Vets and bought me and Monty wormer (yeuch)

went to Tesco and bought some food (including corned beef for me and Tim) and also some small items for the flat

hoovered the living room and hall

sorted the washing

she now says it’s time for a cup of tea. Pah! I wanted another walk!

One of the many advantages of being a dog is that I have lots of hair, which means lots of hairs to shed and share around the place. This is good as it marks out that everything is mine, and indeed  shows what a superior dog I am! I would like to see my humans especially the balding male one try that!

Hilary is well used to hairs on the carpet, the sofa and all over her clothes (just as well she doesn’t wear white or pale coloured stuff too often) but seems to get unreasonably annoyed by my hairs in other places. Today, for example she took a clean plate from the cupboard for her lunch and was initially surprised to see what appeared to be a crack in it, but was, of course just one of my hairs!

Earlier she returned (finally) a box of wine glasses to church which Tim had borrowed for our “open house” event a few weeks ago. As she carried them in from the car park, rather gingerly in case they slipped out her hands, she noticed that the ones on the top were….. yes, you have guessed it, covered in my hairs! She tried to give them a surepticious wipe before returning them to the ladies in the kitchen!!

Finally a few minutes ago she opened the cover of her mobile phone so she could switch it on silent before heading off to church with Lamester again, and, low and behold, there was a lovely dark black hair sitting on her screen. She was most bemused as to how it had got there and I didn’t like to confess I had borrowed her phone to send a Tweet earlier on!

I do like leaving my hairs all over the place, it  makes me feel at home whereever I am and means part of me goes with my humans whatever they are up to!